DRIVING JOKE:

ELDERLY DRIVING JOKE: Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light."After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh my! Am I driving?"

SCHOOL JOKES:

STUDENT IN SCHOOL: After raising four kids and losing one husband, I decided to return to college and get the degree I had started but never finished. And so, on my first day of college, eager with anticipation, and more than a little nervous, I took a front row seat in my first class in over 20 years - a literature course.The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books over the course of the semester, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose.He ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book, and began: "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..."I was working feverishly to get down all the names, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.The student behind me whispered, "Relax! He's just taking attendance!"

EMPLOYMENT JOKE:

NEW EMPLOYEE: How to Place New Employees in a Proper Department.Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering.If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send them to Consulting.If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Computer Information Systems is their niche.If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for the Help Desk.If they mention what a good price we got for the table and chairs, put them into Purchasing.If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from rainforests, Public Relations would suit them well.If they are writing up the experience, send them to the Technical Documents team.If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing.If they are sleeping, they are Management material.

MOTHER IN LAW JOKE:

MOTHER IN LAW: A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together. Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man, "Let them go first. You wouldn't want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?"The man says, "No, sir. I did that once, and I've been sorry ever since."

LANDLORD JOKE:

LANDLORD LETTER: Excerpts from Letters Sent to Landlords1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until itis cleared.2. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the mannext door.3. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?4. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from thewall.5. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.6. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.7. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk.Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.8. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and wouldlike a third, so will you please send someone to do something aboutit.9. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funnycolor and not fit to drink.10. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife gother toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.

HELL JOKE:

BELIEVING THE BIBLE JOKE: A lady is riding the subway, reading her Bible.A man sitting next to her, seeming amused, asks her, "You don't really believe what they say in there, do you?""Every word," she replied."OK," he asks, "how about the Noah story, the flood, the animals - do you believe that?""Absolutely," she said."What about God creating the universe in six days?""All true, I believe every word.""What about Jonah - how could a man live for three days in the belly of a whale?" he asks."Yes, I believe that too," she says."Well, how could that be - how did he breathe?""I don't know," she said. "When I get to Heaven, I'll ask him.""What if he's not in Heaven?," the guy asks.The lady replies, "In that case, you can ask him!"

FATHER'S JOKE

DO YOU KNOW MY FATHER? Teacher: Bob, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?Bob: $10.Teacher: You don't know maths.Bob: You don't know my father! FATHERS'S DAY JOKE: Letters between a son and a father.Dear Dad,$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.Love,Your $onThe Reply:Dear Son,I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.Dad